This morning I was writing a little, as I do when I want to process something … until BOOM! What the hell was that? Seems I inadvertently sent out a blog post first thing this morning that not only wasn’t finished but probably wasn’t meant to be published at all.
So, what to do?
It’s one of those sinking feelings as you realize:
– you’ve hit the “reply all” button to an email that was only meant to go to one person on the list;
– you hit send on an email you’re writing to someone you’re really pissed at and have no intention of ever sending…. but you need to just vent;
– you hit send on an email when you’ve typed in the wrong person’s name and sent it to someone way off base from who it should be going to.
Either way, you feel like a fool. You feel like SHIT! I’ve probably done all three as noted above and now I can add a fourth to the list.
I’ve removed the post, at least for now. Who knows if I’ll go back and finish it or delete it, or it gets added to the current 125 unpublished posts sitting on my blog, compared to the 169 I’ve (purposefully) hit the publish button on. I need to think about it some more.
Brene Brown, who I mentioned in the now “unpublished” post, talked about resentment but what she is most known for is her research (and subsequent TEDTalk) on shame and vulnerability which she also discussed at length last night. She says we need to embrace our vulnerability. To paraphrase some of what she said:
It’s not the critic that counts, but the person who shows up. Who puts it out there. Who sometimes wins and sometimes loses. It’s about daring greatly. And by making ourselves vulnerable we are open to criticism. If we want to avoid criticism we do nothing, say nothing, create nothing. We have to own our story and in doing so we get to write our story, write the ending. Own who we are.
After feeling somewhat vulnerable myself after this morning’s events, I’m settling in and letting it go as it is all part of the process. Part of creating this life of mine. The wins and the losses, the good and the bad.